I’m a pretty healthy person; I don’t eat gluten or dairy, I exercise every day, and I get regular doctor checkups. I can also get into some really unhealthy patterns. My favorite is eating sugary carbs in the evening. If I want to take it up a notch, I play games on my phone or doom scroll on social media while I eat those sugary carbs.

Sound familiar? It might be because it happens to a lot of us. Here’s why:
– In the evening, your brain’s battery for decision making (and will power) is often low or empty.
– Your brain is designed to keep you alive, not to help you thrive. Your brain is also lazy; instead of considering many options, it looks for what is easy and familiar. Your brain’s “logic” looks like this: “What did I do the last time I felt like this? I ate a cookie! I looked at dog videos on Instagram! Then let’s do that.” Easy? Yes. Thriving? No.

So how did I break out of this pattern most recently? I hand-wrote myself a little “contract” that I had to re-agree to daily. It said:

My commitment to me and my health for today:
1) Watch the sugar, even fruit. Only two small chocolate treats a day.
2) No phone after 8.30pm (FB, IG, shopping or games). No more than 30 minutes of an audiobook.
3) No games except crosswords (and Wordle).

Although I will probably need to recommit to the contract periodically, here are two reasons this worked for me. First, it was in writing, which makes the brain believe it is true; I also kept it where I would see it. Second, the contract is actually a series of “if/then” plans, which lazy brains love – no decision-making needed! For example, IF it is a chocolate treat, THEN it must be small and not a third treat of the day. And IF it is after 8.30pm, THEN all that is allowed on the phone is a max of 30 minutes of whatever audiobook I’m listening to. And IF it’s a game on the phone, THEN it can only be crosswords.

There are a lot of other things I could have done to interfere with my unhealthy habits. For example, I could make sure I don’t have sugary carbs in the house, and/or I could off-load the social media apps or block them during certain hours. In this case, I wanted to try to co-exist with these temptations – not banish them entirely, but bring them back into healthier alignment.

What is an unhealthy pattern you are trying to address in your life? Could a written contract (i.e., small if/then plans) help you? Please share your successes – or struggles – on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

Good luck with your own if/then plans!

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I had the good fortune to spend a week in Mexico City in late February. The city was surprisingly green, full of unique neighborhoods, and overflowing with art, culture, history and delicious food. The city was also awash in color, from my pilgrimage to artist Frida Kahlo’s blue house (picture below), to pastel buildings and murals outdoors and in, to the museum of popular/folk art, to street markets and artisan markets (also pictured below).

In February, I also started to read “Joyful” by Ingrid Fetell Lee. This passage on page 29 spoke to me:

“I’d spent time in parts of the world where vibrancy was natural and effortless: Southeast Asia, Latin America, the Caribbean. These colorful places exude a warmth and vitality that’s absent from most modern American cities, where the greatest source of color seems to be signs and advertisements… It would be easy to conclude that it’s a simple matter of preference: certain cultures have developed an appetite for color, while others prefer a grayscale life. But I think the real answer lies in a cultural bias deep in Western society that runs toward sophistication, away from joy.”

Wow. How often do we put on personas of sophistication or professionalism instead of being authentic and joyful? I know I’m guilty of wearing a lot of black and beige clothing!

I also know how color affects my mood and that light, bright places make me happy. And I’ve been thinking about how I often hold myself back – with decor or dress – in the name of “good taste.”

I’d rather be joyful.

So when I got back from Mexico, I displayed my colorful treasures where I would see them every day. I thought about how I could introduce more color into my home. And I bought a pair of navy polka dot linen pants for this summer.

Where do you make your life a little smaller in order to appear sophisticated, instead of being as colorful, loud, authentic or happy as you could be?

Here’s to more color and more joy!

p.s., I’d love to hear how you’ll add color or joy to your life – or maybe where you hold yourself back – on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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Do you have a goal you want to pursue or are you trying to form a new habit and find yourself struggling? Here’s one thing you need to remember: brains hate starting. They don’t mind continuing once they’ve started, but they hate starting.

What’s the antidote? Start small. What Stephen Guise, author of the book “Mini Habits,” calls “stupid small.” Make it so easy, you can’t not do the thing. (Stephen started with one push-up every time he used the restroom. Try using the format “After I _____, then I will _____.”) And after you do your small thing, stop. Your brain may readily agree to keep going, but give it the choice.

The good news? You get full credit for doing the thing! (Yay, you!) Your brain cares about the doing, not so much about the quantity or quality. And if you are working on forming a habit, your brain cares most about the consistency of the doing.

Also, for you habit-formers, if you track your habit behaviors and your brain can see your progress, it really likes that.

Ok, here’s one more thing you need to remember: your motivation comes from the action of the doing. So don’t wait until you feel motivated to begin, or you could have a really long wait (i.e., never). Instead, start small, feel the motivation, repeat. It will form a virtuous loop that keeps you moving towards success.

And if your streak gets broken, that’s ok, but start again asap. Habits take an average of 66 days to gel and are most fragile early on. Stick with it, and those small habits can lead to big things!

To learn more about mini-habits, check out minihabits.com. And you’ll be hearing more about brains, habits, productivity, and being fearless and happy in my blog as I complete “The Brain Science Advantage for Coaches” 8-week program with James Garrett, founder of Brain By Design. I’m learning some cool new stuff, and I will be sure to share!

What’s your stupid small thing you’ll start with? Please let me know on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

One cheer for starting small!

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Last weekend I heard that when we put aside what we are we can begin to know who we are. Whoa, that’s a cool twist on the idea that we are human beings and not human “doings.”

I am more than the roles I play (coach, daughter, sister, girlfriend, etc) and the things I do (work, yoga, pilates, walking the dog, etc). Although much of my time and energy go into these activities, they’re not who I am.

Then in a recent meditation, I requested guidance on what I needed to do in the new year. The direction I received came in the form of a question: “what would bring you more joy and fulfillment?”

At first I thought I might have to do something to achieve more joy; for example, a new hobby, social media for my work, or going to visit loved ones. Maybe, but then I considered what had brought me joy in the past 6 months:
– being stronger, because I prioritize my fitness
– being grateful for walks in the park with the pup (when I stopped grumbling about the early hour)
– being appreciative of the impact I have with my work as well as appreciation for my own efforts

So maybe next year, rather than concentrate on the doing, I can concentrate on being appreciative and grateful; those are the things that help keep me present and positive. I don’t need to add any new doings, I just have to be present for the being.

What would bring you more joy and fulfillment in 2025? Who – or how – do you need to be to have that?

Happy new year!

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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We don’t control much in life. We can’t control the people or events around us, and that can be frustrating. The answer is to focus on what you can control.

And what do you control? Your actions, your reactions, the meaning you make of the events in your life, and your attitude.

Attitude may not seem like a big deal, but it’s huge. Your attitude affects your mood, which affects your thoughts, which affect your actions, which create your reality.

Regardless of how you voted in the recent election, I suggest you watch Vice President Harris’ concession speech the day after losing the presidential election. It is a master-class in attitude.

As she comes on stage, does she look upset, sad or apologetic? Nope. She is upbeat, appreciative, and ready to tackle the next challenge.

You write your story. Regardless of the emotions you may be feeling, you can still choose your attitude. Want to have a positive, can-do attitude today? Then choose it. (And if you notice it slipping, have a snack and choose it again.)

Your attitude is all about where you put your focus – on negative feelings or positive actions. Listen, if you are experiencing feelings of sadness and need extra self-care right now, definitely do that! But if you can also try on a new, more positive attitude, you may notice those feelings and your mood improve. It’s worth a try, right?

So let’s experiment! This week, regardless of how you feel, resolve to choose your attitude. Here are some good ones to try out:
– be cheerful and optimistic
– be grateful for whatever you have (whether it’s a lot or a little)
– have fun, even when you are losing
– be happy for others’ wins
– stay calm in the middle of a storm
– see opportunities in the challenges you face
– be solutions oriented
– appreciate the good in the people around you

Since it’s November, I’m focusing on my attitude of gratitude; Thanksgiving is always a good time to count my many blessings. I can’t wait to hear how it goes when you try on a new attitude; please share at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching/.

Choose the good stuff!

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