Can’t accept a compliment?
What do you say when someone gives you a compliment? If you say “thanks so much,” that’s a great response.
That’s not what I do.
If someone says to me, “I like your dress,” I am likely to say one of the following: “I’ve had this forever” or “I got this on sale.”
By deflecting the compliment, I’ve done two things. First, some part of me feels protected from judgment. I’m asking not to be evaluated or noticed – for good or for bad.
Second, I’ve told the person giving me the compliment that their opinion is wrong. (I’ve basically said, “You think this old dress is nice?! Your taste is questionable.”) Imagine if I’d simply replied “Thank you; that makes me feel great. This dress is a favorite of mine.” Then everyone would feel good!
This can be a hard behavior to change. For me it’s a quick reflex to deflect a compliment (think of Wonder Woman deflecting bullets with her bracelets). This is an old behavior from childhood that became habitual. Today, sometimes I can catch myself before falling into my old patterns by being present in conversations and thinking before I speak.
If you tend to deflect compliments rather than graciously accepting them, ask yourself why. Try to start catching yourself and retrain yourself to say a simple “thank you.” You’ll feel better – and so will the person who was nice enough to notice how terrific you are!
You look marvelous! You’re welcome.
p.s. Note that I’m assuming here that the compliment given is sincere and appropriate. In practice, especially at work, it’s often better to compliment someone’s abilities/talents/progress/efforts than their looks. And some compliments can be offensive, for example, if they are sexually or racially charged. So if you receive an inappropriate compliment, you are not required to meekly say “thank you!”
p.p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.