In my work with clients, especially those at the top of organizations, I am often surprised by how little professional peer support people have. They have networks of people they know, but not folks they can confide in – objective folks they can bounce ideas off of and share their challenges with.

I encourage everyone to develop their peer networks, both inside their industry and out. It can be as simple as asking one person or a small group if they’d be interested in having coffee. Tell them your purpose; for example, to discuss professional challenges and career issues while maintaining a positive, solutions-based focus. It’s a bit like dating: keep it casual at first and see who you click with and would like to see again. Then ask those folks if they’d be interested in meeting more regularly.

In addition to not having peer networks, my clients often don’t have mentors either. I can’t overstate the value of having mentors. And yes, you can have more than one, and they don’t have to be in your industry. My mentor, who is now a dear friend, has helped me in countless ways, but the first was to accept me as a peer – even though I was new in the field at the time. Her belief in me was a priceless gift that increased my confidence.

I recently asked a client to formalize a mentor relationship that he has. Doing this alerts the other person that you value their opinion and want to talk regularly – and may contact them with an occasional emergency question! My client reported that when he asked, the man was incredibly honored to be his mentor. Remember, the giver (mentor) gets something out of giving, so let them feel great about it. You are not a burden; being a mentor is a powerful experience, and you are providing that person with the opportunity to share their wisdom as they help support your development and success.

If it feels a little uncomfortable to create your professional network, do it anyway – that discomfort just means you are growing! And it’s a lot better than being uncomfortable all on your own with no one to talk to about the challenges you face.

Who can you ask to be part of your regular peer support network? Who might be a good mentor for you?

Start asking now!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Last month I was presenting Authentic Networking: Working a Room at a branding conference to two different groups. I got a really similar question twice – once during each session. The participants asked, “What do I do if I am at an event, and I don’t have anything in common with anyone in the room?”

I told both folks the same thing: I think you are asking the wrong question. You are going to get a really different answer if you go into a room and ask yourself “How am I different from everyone here?” versus “What do I have in common with the person I am speaking with?” or “What interesting thing could I learn about this person in the next few minutes?”

Here’s another example: “What’s wrong right now?” versus “What’s right right now?” Again, you’re going to get a very different answer based on the question you ask.

This is what the concept of Appreciative Inquiry is all about. It says wherever I put my attention grows. So be intentional about keeping your attention on the positive. This isn’t about seeing the glass as full if it isn’t, but look at the half-full version and focus on the potential in the situation – rather than focusing on the negative (i.e., half-empty).

Have you been asking the right questions? Are they focused on the positive? What’s a new question you could ask?

Ask away!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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In the last post, I noted that getting organized your way – and finding the discipline to work your  system – can also help you learn to manage your time. Making decisions like what-to-keep and what-to-toss teaches you to make decisions about what deserves your time and what doesn’t.

People who manage time effectively set priorities. They make decisions about what’s important to them and honor those commitments. Sometimes we think that choosing a priority will be constricting, but the truth is that it allows us to say “no” to things that are less important.

We can’t say “yes” to everything and everyone. If we do, we are allowing other people to set our priorities and lead our lives. So admit that you can’t do everything (at least not all at once) and be intentional about where – and in whom – you want to invest your time. What do you want to say “yes” to? What deserves to be on your calendar? What fills you up?

We also can’t do everything perfectly. Research shows that successful people do just enough and move on to the next thing. They aren’t perfectionists and don’t put in more effort than required. And when unexpected emergencies arise, they stay flexible and refocus on their priorities as soon as possible.

Where do you want to invest your time? What could you accomplish – and how would you feel – if you focused on what’s truly important to you?

Time to get intentional!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Last week I was leading a workshop on temperament, but noticed a few other themes creeping in: organization, check-lists, time management, and overwhelm. These concerns come up with my private clients, too, and it’s not a surprise. Most of us are trying to do too much, too perfectly, in too little time.

Unfortunately, no single organizational system is going to work for everyone. Personally, I use a monthly calendar for appointments and keep lists of tasks on sticky notes stuck to my computer. (Not exactly high tech!) I am also more “piler” than “filer,” but I have a physical and computer filing system that works fairly well for me.

However, I struggle with getting rid of paper and always have. What if I need that piece of paper later?! At one job, I had a co-worker who had a single desk drawer that he kept a dozen small files in. As he held any piece of paper, he would ask himself, “will I get fired if I throw this away?” That simple test was too anxiety-provoking for me, but it worked for him. There’s an important key: match your system to your style.

For some clients, I’ve recommended David Allen’s book “Getting Things Done.” It’s an incredibly highly-structured system – a bit suffocating really – but there are tips and ideas to pick and choose from. One idea that closed a hole in my filing system was a catch-all file for things that didn’t fit anywhere else. That gave me some peace of mind and a place to put that last pile that had no where to go (and was always sitting on my printer)!

For other clients, I’ve suggested Marie Kondo’s book “The Magic of Tidying Up.” This one is more about organizing your stuff than paperwork, but may appeal to people who want a less strict and more feeling-based system. Kondo suggests we treat our possessions with great care and surround ourselves only with things that bring us joy. When we do this, there is another payoff, and the benefits trickle into other parts of our lives as explained by Cate La Farge Summers of One Kings Lane:

“All sorts of decisions are falling into place. This might be the best payoff of all: Once you’ve looked at hundreds of things and asked yourself if they give you joy, decision-making gets a lot easier: which book to read, which projects to pursue, what to make for dinner, whether to say yes or no to the many optional obligations that come our way.”

And there’s the set-up for my next blog about time management!

Stay tuned…

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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