Several weeks ago I was conducting a workshop on values (i.e., what’s most important to you) and noted that we shouldn’t expect to fully meet all of our values at our jobs. Some of our values may need to be expressed outside the workplace.

One participant had a value of freedom, but he didn’t feel he was currently honoring that value due to his job and busy schedule. I asked where he might carve out just one hour of free time for himself during the next couple weeks. He said that wasn’t possible. I often hear this from clients, too – especially from working Moms with young children. First, we need to shift the limiting belief of “I don’t have an hour” to an empowering question of “how can I clear an hour for myself in my calendar?”

Need a little motivation? Envision yourself with some free time. What would you do? Call a friend, get a pedicure, take a walk – or a nap? How would you feel? Hang onto that; it’s those feelings that will help motivate you.

So, how will you create that hour? Is it time to call in reinforcements and ask for help? Can you delegate? Can you give up something else or perhaps do just an adequate job on something? Maybe it’s time to hire a baby-sitter or trade baby-sitting or carpooling duties? (Perfectionist alert: you may have more limiting beliefs to deal with here, too, so you can let go of some things in order to make more space for yourself!)

The truth is, great time managers don’t have more hours in their days. They set priorities, don’t do their best work on unimportant tasks, and discard other tasks completely. This is all about choices, and you get to choose your priorities.

Where could you do less? Who can you ask for help? How will you create an hour for yourself?

Carry on!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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In my last blog, I asked if you have a strong professional support system for the challenges you may face in your career. But what about your personal support system for the struggles of everyday life? Who is in your inner circle: friends, family, your significant other?

I encourage my clients who rely solely on their significant other to broaden their circle of support and friendship. This is important for a number of reasons. First, your significant other, especially if they are your spouse, should be allowed to play their appropriate roles of partner, helpmate, lover and friend. Over-relying on them for too much or for other roles can cause imbalance in the relationship.

Second, I especially encourage my younger clients to invest in their same-sex friendships and not abandon those friends when they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend. The truth is that boyfriends and girlfriends often come and go, but your close friends stay with you throughout your lifetime. Do friendships change over time? Of course! Not every friendship is meant to last, and they also go through seasons. But your closest friends deserve your attention summer, fall, winter and spring.

So you have 1,000 friends on social media? Good for you! That’s a great way to stay in touch with people you don’t see often. But it’s not real support or intimacy. Real-time conversations with people you enjoy, trust, and can rely on is what’s needed when times get tough – and the special people in our lives need to know we’re there for them, too.

Sometimes when we are struggling with something big (or ongoing) we worry about being a burden to our friends and family. Or we’re just plain scared to be vulnerable about something painful to us. However, a good friend will make it seem like you’ve given them a gift when you share your difficulties. But if you are tired of complaining to the same friends or need an objective sounding board, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or coach to get back on track. A professional can be an important part of your personal support network as you sort through feelings or decisions and move past obstacles.

So think about who is in your personal support system. Who do you need to stay in touch with, check in with for no reason, or tell how much you value their friendship? Do you need to add people to your inner circle and cultivate some new friendships? Do you need a professional in your list of contacts, just in case? Give to and invest in your personal network now, and trust it will be there when you need it.

Three cheers for friendship and support!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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In my work with clients, especially those at the top of organizations, I am often surprised by how little professional peer support people have. They have networks of people they know, but not folks they can confide in – objective folks they can bounce ideas off of and share their challenges with.

I encourage everyone to develop their peer networks, both inside their industry and out. It can be as simple as asking one person or a small group if they’d be interested in having coffee. Tell them your purpose; for example, to discuss professional challenges and career issues while maintaining a positive, solutions-based focus. It’s a bit like dating: keep it casual at first and see who you click with and would like to see again. Then ask those folks if they’d be interested in meeting more regularly.

In addition to not having peer networks, my clients often don’t have mentors either. I can’t overstate the value of having mentors. And yes, you can have more than one, and they don’t have to be in your industry. My mentor, who is now a dear friend, has helped me in countless ways, but the first was to accept me as a peer – even though I was new in the field at the time. Her belief in me was a priceless gift that increased my confidence.

I recently asked a client to formalize a mentor relationship that he has. Doing this alerts the other person that you value their opinion and want to talk regularly – and may contact them with an occasional emergency question! My client reported that when he asked, the man was incredibly honored to be his mentor. Remember, the giver (mentor) gets something out of giving, so let them feel great about it. You are not a burden; being a mentor is a powerful experience, and you are providing that person with the opportunity to share their wisdom as they help support your development and success.

If it feels a little uncomfortable to create your professional network, do it anyway – that discomfort just means you are growing! And it’s a lot better than being uncomfortable all on your own with no one to talk to about the challenges you face.

Who can you ask to be part of your regular peer support network? Who might be a good mentor for you?

Start asking now!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Last month I was presenting Authentic Networking: Working a Room at a branding conference to two different groups. I got a really similar question twice – once during each session. The participants asked, “What do I do if I am at an event, and I don’t have anything in common with anyone in the room?”

I told both folks the same thing: I think you are asking the wrong question. You are going to get a really different answer if you go into a room and ask yourself “How am I different from everyone here?” versus “What do I have in common with the person I am speaking with?” or “What interesting thing could I learn about this person in the next few minutes?”

Here’s another example: “What’s wrong right now?” versus “What’s right right now?” Again, you’re going to get a very different answer based on the question you ask.

This is what the concept of Appreciative Inquiry is all about. It says wherever I put my attention grows. So be intentional about keeping your attention on the positive. This isn’t about seeing the glass as full if it isn’t, but look at the half-full version and focus on the potential in the situation – rather than focusing on the negative (i.e., half-empty).

Have you been asking the right questions? Are they focused on the positive? What’s a new question you could ask?

Ask away!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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In the last post, I noted that getting organized your way – and finding the discipline to work your  system – can also help you learn to manage your time. Making decisions like what-to-keep and what-to-toss teaches you to make decisions about what deserves your time and what doesn’t.

People who manage time effectively set priorities. They make decisions about what’s important to them and honor those commitments. Sometimes we think that choosing a priority will be constricting, but the truth is that it allows us to say “no” to things that are less important.

We can’t say “yes” to everything and everyone. If we do, we are allowing other people to set our priorities and lead our lives. So admit that you can’t do everything (at least not all at once) and be intentional about where – and in whom – you want to invest your time. What do you want to say “yes” to? What deserves to be on your calendar? What fills you up?

We also can’t do everything perfectly. Research shows that successful people do just enough and move on to the next thing. They aren’t perfectionists and don’t put in more effort than required. And when unexpected emergencies arise, they stay flexible and refocus on their priorities as soon as possible.

Where do you want to invest your time? What could you accomplish – and how would you feel – if you focused on what’s truly important to you?

Time to get intentional!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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