It was great to see everyone’s comments and emails regarding the last blog on happiness.  Since it seems like a popular topic, let’s stick with it for one more post.

A lot of us spend our time (especially in our 20s and 30s) accumulating stuff – houses, careers, romantic partners, cars, etc – only to find that these things don’t make us much happier.  Which makes a lot of sense, since the research shows those things external to us only account for 10% of our happiness.

In my last blog, I concentrated on a number of the proven practices to boost the 40% of your happiness that you can influence (i.e., practicing gratitude, living in the present, and committing to your goals).  However, another way to increase our happiness, aka positivity, is to decrease our negativity.

In the book “Positivity” by Barbara Fredrickson, we are encouraged to aim for a ratio of three uplifting, heartfelt positive thoughts/experiences for every one negative thought/experience that we endure.  Have no idea what your ratio is?  Take the quiz in Fredrickson’s book or online at www.positivityratio.com/single.php and start becoming aware of your positivity ratio today.

If your ratio isn’t 3:1, don’t worry; about 80% of the population is at 2:1.  In fact, the lower your score, the more beneficial it can be to start by decreasing your negativity.  This may sound like a big shift for pessimists, worriers and perfectionists, but it is possible!  Negativity-reducing activities include disrupting over-thinking by disputing gratuitous negative thoughts; distracting oneself from ruminations; avoiding suppressing negative thoughts and emotions; being a mindful and non-judgmental observer of your thoughts; and becoming aware of and addressing any “negativity land mines” such as gossip and sarcasm, toxic relationships, and non-stop newscasts containing violence.

By making an effort to decrease your negativity, you’ll increase your positivity ratio – and prepare yourself to concentrate on other pleasurable positivity activities.

Want an easy way to shift into positivity in this moment?  Just ask yourself, “What’s going right for me right now?”  : )

C’mon everybody, get happy!

Read More

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
—Albert Einstein

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln

I remember the first time I was told that I am 100% responsible for my own happiness.  I thought that perhaps the people in my life could collectively handle at least 10%!  That’s not how it works, but there is a big silver lining here.  If I am 100% responsible for my happiness, then I am not dependent on anyone else for my happiness.  My happiness is within my control.  Well, at least 40% of it is.

Scientific research tells us that our genetic set point for happiness makes up 50% of how happy we are.  Our circumstances (e.g., wealth, health, appearance, romantic relationships, etc.) only make up 10%.  Only 10%!  So if you’re a “I’ll be happy when” kind of person, know that when you get that thing you are after, you’ll be less happy than you think and for a shorter time.

The other 40% of our happiness is within our ability to influence.  How do we do that?  There are a lot of ways, but the actions that have been proven effective are outlined in Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book “The How of Happiness.”  The twelve happiness activities may sound corny or obvious; they are things like practicing gratitude and positive thinking, managing stress, living in the present, and committing to your goals.  (The book provides specific instructions and ways to keep the activities fresh as well as help finding which activities will be a good fit.)

If you are ready and willing to put in some effort, you really can make the choice to become happier.  With a little practice, you’ll not only be happy while you do an activity, but you’ll build new habits (i.e., automatic behaviors) that will help you to be happier over time with less effort.  If you’re ready for a change, give it a try!  Count your blessings, practice random acts of kindness, savor life’s joys, meditate, offer forgiveness, visit a friend, move toward your dreams…

Good luck and happy trails!

Read More

In Part 1 about information interviews, I noted why they are such a great tool.  But how do you actually do them?  First, you’ll need to identify someone to speak with and politely ask them for their time.  Make sure to tell them specifically why you want to speak with them (since people like to see themselves reflected in your communications).  Perhaps they are an expert in the field you are interested in or you saw an article in the newspaper about them or a friend recommended that you reach out to them.

When you get a meeting set, do your homework before the interview.  Look at the company’s website, read recent press about the company, Google the person you’ll be meeting with, and prepare your questions.  Chances are good that after a couple questions the interview will turn into more of a conversation, and that’s great.  Just make sure to work your two or three most important questions into the time you have allotted.

Here are some questions you might ask at the information interview itself:

• General questions about the company and its culture are fine; feel free to ask the person about what they find most and least satisfying about working for Company X.
• Be sure to ask the person about their background and what their career path has been.
• Remember that the best predictor of whether you might be happy in a job is to find someone doing it in the present and see if they are happy.  What does the person like about the job?  What’s their least favorite thing?  What skills do they have?  What personal characteristics are important for that position?  What does a “typical” day or week look like?
• How does the person keep developing themselves?  Do they attend training, belong to professional associations, read certain publications, etc?
• Give the person an idea of your education and work experience.  (It’s not necessary for them to review your resume, but you can have one with you, in case they’d like to see it.)  You may want to ask about what skills you need to develop to be in this field.
• You are not there to get a job; it would be inappropriate to ask for one.  However, if it’s a company you would like to work for, you might ask something like, “When you think about someone like me, what role might I fit in here at Company X?”
• I wouldn’t ask too many of these, but here are some interesting wild-card questions: “If you had it to do over, what would you do differently?,” “If you could go back 5/10/20 years, what would you tell your younger self?,” or “What question should I ask that I haven’t?”
• Don’t forget to ask who else they would suggest you speak with as you learn more about this field.
• If you would like to develop a relationship with this person, ask if it’s all right to contact them again in the future.

Remember to wrap up the discussion, even if it’s a great one, in about 45 to 60 minutes; never take up more time than you asked for.  After the interview, be sure to send the person a thank you that reflects the content of your conversation and specifically how it was helpful to you.

Gratitude, learning, curiosity, sharing…what’s not to love about information interviews?!

So what do you want to learn about?  Who are you interested in interviewing?  What questions do you want to ask?

Happy interviewing!

Read More

I ♥ Information Interviews

If you’ve been reading these blogs and thinking about all those activities that have interested you throughout your life, perhaps you’ve already made the leap and are currently enjoying being engaged in a wonderful hobby.  Or maybe you want to learn more about a potential career.  For that, I love information interviews.  How do I love thee/them?  Let me count the ways…

1. Information interviews allow curious people of any age at any life stage to learn more about something: an occupation, an organization, an industry, a skill, etc.
2. They allow people to practice interviewing skills in a no-stress environment, since there’s no job at stake.
3. They help people build relationships and their networks.
4. The interviewee may give the person leads on other folks to speak with.  Bigger network, more learning – yay!
5. And lastly, they are a tremendous source of free information.  In fact, if you are hoping to get a job similar to the person you are interviewing, their satisfaction level is actually a much better predictor of whether you’d be happy in that job than is your own best guess!  (Strange, I know, but the studies prove it; read “Stumbling On Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert if you need convincing.)

One more note…  I know I said that information interviews are no-stress, but when you do them, you should treat them like a real interview.  Come prepared with your questions, be a good listener, keep it brief, and thank the person for giving you their time and attention.  And when someone asks you for an information interview, pay it back by graciously accepting.

So what do you want to learn about?  Where is your curiosity leading?  Who can you reach out to today?

Happy interviewing!

Read More