I spent the Thanksgiving holiday on the east coast, and spent one cold, windy day in New York City. While warming up in a crowded coffee shop, a woman at a nearby table asked me to watch her things while she went to pick up her coffee at the counter. I agreed. Once she was gone, the man sitting right next to her commented that, although he was closer, she had entrusted the task to me. Laughing, I said, “well, you do look a little shifty.” He and I chatted for a moment, and when the woman returned with her coffee, I assured her that the shifty guy hadn’t disturbed her things.

A half hour later as the gentleman was leaving, he stopped at my table. He said, “thank you for…” and then trailed off. “My snarky comments?,” I prompted. He said, “No, thank you for being open. People aren’t like that usually.” I told him that I lived in Memphis now, where people are like that. They make eye contact, wish you a good morning, and are likely to ask during a conversation, “how can I help you?” I’m very grateful that Memphis taught me this.

Throughout the week and on Thanksgiving, I was happy and proud to tell my friends and family that Memphis has been so welcoming to me, a transplant of nearly four years. I’ve been fortunate to make wonderful friends and build a thriving business. There is always something interesting going on in the city (usually ten things at once!) and the food and music can’t be beat.

If this doesn’t sound like the Memphis you know, I hope you’ll look a little harder. I’m very proud to call Memphis my home and be among the many people who want the very best for our incredible city.

What has your town taught you? What are you grateful to it for?

Thank you, Memphis!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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It’s November and Thanksgiving is around the corner, so it’s time to get your gratitude on!

This week a friend sent me the following challenge: write the 5 things you’re grateful for this morning, 5 fears you have this morning, and the 5 biggest things you’re thinking about today. The cool thing was that what I was grateful for (and made me feel good) had no overlap with my fears; so focusing on gratitude keeps me out of a fearful place. The sad thing was that what I was grateful for had no overlap with what I was thinking about – with one exception: the leftover stew (my grandma’s recipe) that was in my fridge that I was grateful for, and I was thinking about lunch!

Gratitude remains the best practice I know for grounding ourselves in the present and shifting our attitudes. It can be a simple pause to say a silent thank you or a weekly journaling practice or a phone call to someone who deserves to hear how much you appreciate them. Or a quick text to a friend thanking them for inspiring a blog post.

Need even more thoughts on gratitude? Here are my blogs from the last two years:
https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2015/11/grateful/
https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2014/11/gratitude/

What are you most grateful for? How can you remember to keep those thoughts in your mind today?

Wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving. I’m grateful for you, today and every day.

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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I often work with my clients on the importance of cultivating a love of learning, taking a few risks, and getting outside of their comfort zone – keeping their possibilities open and their lives big. Since I like to walk my talk, I recently challenged myself to try something new: hula hooping. It sounded fun and like an appropriate risk since I had a reasonable chance of being embarrassed for an hour by both a lack of coordination and cardio capability. So I looked at the schedule to find the beginners class and put it in my calendar.

The day arrived for the class and I quickly checked the website, but the class was gone! They had moved it to a time I couldn’t attend. No matter, I thought, I would still use the time to challenge myself. So I glanced at the schedule for a yoga studio I haven’t been to before, and set out for a small adventure.

I thought I was attending a gentle yoga class, and things started off nicely enough. It was a different style than I was used to, but seemed all right. And then class just got plain hard. Really hard. I gave it a big effort and adapted the poses I simply couldn’t do or hold. While I actually liked a lot of the class, I can’t tell you how many times I said to myself during it, “And this is the gentle class?!”

Afterwards, while thinking about how sore I would be the next day, I looked at the schedule more closely because I wanted to read the class description. And I saw that I had read the schedule wrong. I didn’t attend a gentle class, but rather an advanced class that my friend later told me was referred to as “the power hour.” Oops.

So what did this expedition outside of my comfort zone teach me? Well, lots of things! Don’t expect every experiment to go perfectly. Although it was difficult at times, it only lasted 75 minutes and I survived just fine – in fact, I did pretty well and gained some confidence. The class also showed where I have some weaknesses I should work on. (Abdominals, anyone?) I also really liked the studio and plan to return, so my most important lesson is probably to read the schedule more carefully!

What’s something new you could challenge yourself with? Try to pick something that sounds fun or interesting to you. And don’t worry about doing it well – everyone can survive an hour or two of embarrassment. And the truth is, probably no one is looking at you anyway. They are all focused on themselves (and their own aching abs).

Keep pushing on that comfort zone!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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I have the great pleasure of working with many wonderful, caring clients who want to be helpful to the people around them. Often my clients’ friends, family and coworkers come to them and ask for advice. Sometimes my clients are a little too proactive though, stepping in to fix other people’s problems when their assistance hasn’t been requested.

There are downsides to this unsolicited “help.” First, the recipient may get frustrated; maybe they just wanted to vent and be listened to. Second, when we fix the problem, the other person doesn’t gain confidence like they would if they handled the issue themselves. Third, the other person will likely be more committed to a solution that they have come up with themselves, rather than one that you suggest.

So how can you help? Just being there in the moment and listening is probably the best thing you can do if the other person is really upset. Trying to come up with a solution from a negative or low energy place is hard – the person is unlikely to be able to think clearly or creatively.

But if the person does have an issue and needs a sounding board as they think through potential solutions, you can support them in accessing their own resourcefulness by asking some open-ended questions. Here are a few examples. Ideally, what outcome would you like? What has worked for you in the past? What does your intuition say? If you could only focus on one thing, what would it be?

And my favorite question of all? How can I support you?

Now that’s helpful!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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