A friend recently dropped this nugget of wisdom on me: “busyness is a form of laziness.”

Hmpf.

If you read this blog regularly, you may have picked up on the themes of overwhelm, stress, and general busyness. I’ve looked at the topic from a number of angles, most recently discussing acting like a human doing instead of a human being.

Busyness is something I continually struggle with. I like to see open space in my calendar or else I feel stressed. I once took a vacation where my entire goal was to see if I could be bored! And so to label me “lazy,” makes me aggravated. A-ha! That means we are onto some new insight…

First I needed to take a look at the judgments I have about laziness. Yes, my default thinking is that lazy = bad. But there is a good side to lazy; for me, it’s called ease. [sigh of contentment] I know this part of me, and it trusts that it is appropriate to be lazy sometimes: to recharge and just enjoy the simple pleasures of doing nothing in particular – or productive!

Now that my judgments are calm and I can be rational, how can being constantly busy equal being lazy? I love paradoxes, and this is a great one with something to teach me. If I stay busy with work or other obligations, I get to avoid something else. Maybe it’s tackling all the fundamental stuff in my business (like an out-of-date website); or perhaps taking on new challenges that are more personal to me (more yoga and meditation); or maybe I’m worried about being lonely?! Am I busy about the right stuff and in the right amount? Sounds like my priorities need some attention!

How do you feel about the word lazy? Is your busyness a cover for something you don’t want to address? What might you be avoiding? And the next time you scoff at a little nugget of wisdom, pause and see if there is something there for you to explore!

Get busy!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

p.p.s. Happy Halloween!!

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This week in yoga as we moved into final relaxation, my teacher said, “I give you permission to let go.” Hmm, permission…

I don’t consider myself a big risk taker, but the major changes I’ve made and chances I’ve taken in the last decade were because I gave myself permission to choose again if it turned out I was heading in the wrong direction.

Becoming a coach? I told myself I would commit to the training, learn a lot about myself, and gain new skills. If I decided to not become a coach, that was an ok outcome. It was only then, when I gave myself permission and space, that I was able to sign up for the year-long training – and found a profession that’s a terrific fit for my skills and gifts.

Move to Memphis? I liked Memphis a lot, but another big move felt risky. When I told myself if it turned out to be the wrong decision I would move again, I was able to go forward. It’s been an incredible four and a half years in a city that has so much heart. I have been embraced here by wonderful people who have helped me build a successful business and a full life.

This works on a small scale, too. Recently there was an event I wasn’t too sure I wanted to attend. I told myself to show up and gave myself permission to leave after an hour if I wasn’t enjoying myself. I ended up staying for two and a half hours and had a good time meeting some really nice people.

These things were only possible for me because I gave myself permission – in advance – to be wrong and make a new choice. (Bonus points for the times when we do this with grace and mercy and without judgment!) If you have to get every decision right, it’s going to keep you stuck. If you force yourself to live with every choice, good or bad, you’re going to become reluctant to make decisions and you’re going to stay stuck. If you’re cruel to yourself when you get something wrong, you’re going to stop trying and then, you guessed it, you’re going to be stuck.

Where do you need to give yourself permission? Whether it’s to be wrong or change your mind or make a new choice, where can you lighten up a bit and show yourself some grace and mercy?

You have my permission to let go.

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Since I launched my business in 2013, I’ve often written about working too much, stress, time management and being overly busy. Recently I realized that I believe “it is more important that I am productive than joyful.” Ouch.

This is a generational belief for me and one that is hard to break. Clients have been coming to me with similar versions of this belief, including “my value as a human is proportional to my production.” Ouch again.

It is a great thing for all of us to want to serve our loved ones, our communities and our world. However, we do not have to earn our self-care, our down time, or our joy. We are allowed to just be; after all, we are human beings – and not human doings. As Brene Brown says, “Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”

Remember, a belief is a choice, and we can always choose again. I’m currently experimenting with “I am worthy of joy” and my client is trying “I can waste a little time.” The trick is to show these new, aspirational beliefs that we think they might be true.

So last week on a perfect 85 degree day with low humidity, I played hooky for a couple hours and read by the pool and went swimming. And I saw a Facebook picture of my client on a beach, smiling and looking relaxed. Progress!

What do you believe about your productivity and your worth? What new belief could you experiment with to show yourself your care, relaxation, and joy are just as important as everything else you do?

Wishing you time to just be!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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In the past month, two of my closest Memphis buddies have moved away. These are folks in my ‘hood who I saw often – my comfortable, familiar friends who always recharged my spirit. The first left a month ago, and the second left last week.

I have been surprised over the last couple months that I have not been more worried about these changes. I would normally pre-worry about the situation to prepare for the inevitable feelings of loss!

While I feel a bit sad, I find myself in a more trusting place – due to age, experience or grace, I cannot say. (Probably a bit of all three.) What I do know is that I will remain close to these friends despite the geographical distance. And I know that if there is new space in my life, something will come to fill it.

While my friends’ adventures are taking them 1,000+ miles away to different coasts, my current adventure is more quiet and internal. Will I be lonely? Will I fill my time by working too much? Or will I make choices that take care of me? (Probably a bit of all three!)

A wise friend once told me that “things always get different.” I was blessed to have such good friends close by that I shared great times with. And I am blessed to have many other friends locally and around the country. And I know that something new is on its way in its own time. So instead of worrying, I’m going to anticipate goodness and take special care of myself.

What’s the thing in your life that’s likely to “get different?” How can you take care of yourself during the process?

Be well!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

p.p.s. Quick note for young professionals in Memphis… There is one slot left in the career coaching group starting in August. Details are here: https://jenfrankcoaching.com/career-group-aug-2017/

 

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