Last weekend I heard that when we put aside what we are we can begin to know who we are. Whoa, that’s a cool twist on the idea that we are human beings and not human “doings.”

I am more than the roles I play (coach, daughter, sister, girlfriend, etc) and the things I do (work, yoga, pilates, walking the dog, etc). Although much of my time and energy go into these activities, they’re not who I am.

Then in a recent meditation, I requested guidance on what I needed to do in the new year. The direction I received came in the form of a question: “what would bring you more joy and fulfillment?”

At first I thought I might have to do something to achieve more joy; for example, a new hobby, social media for my work, or going to visit loved ones. Maybe, but then I considered what had brought me joy in the past 6 months:
– being stronger, because I prioritize my fitness
– being grateful for walks in the park with the pup (when I stopped grumbling about the early hour)
– being appreciative of the impact I have with my work as well as appreciation for my own efforts

So maybe next year, rather than concentrate on the doing, I can concentrate on being appreciative and grateful; those are the things that help keep me present and positive. I don’t need to add any new doings, I just have to be present for the being.

What would bring you more joy and fulfillment in 2025? Who – or how – do you need to be to have that?

Happy new year!

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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We don’t control much in life. We can’t control the people or events around us, and that can be frustrating. The answer is to focus on what you can control.

And what do you control? Your actions, your reactions, the meaning you make of the events in your life, and your attitude.

Attitude may not seem like a big deal, but it’s huge. Your attitude affects your mood, which affects your thoughts, which affect your actions, which create your reality.

Regardless of how you voted in the recent election, I suggest you watch Vice President Harris’ concession speech the day after losing the presidential election. It is a master-class in attitude.

As she comes on stage, does she look upset, sad or apologetic? Nope. She is upbeat, appreciative, and ready to tackle the next challenge.

You write your story. Regardless of the emotions you may be feeling, you can still choose your attitude. Want to have a positive, can-do attitude today? Then choose it. (And if you notice it slipping, have a snack and choose it again.)

Your attitude is all about where you put your focus – on negative feelings or positive actions. Listen, if you are experiencing feelings of sadness and need extra self-care right now, definitely do that! But if you can also try on a new, more positive attitude, you may notice those feelings and your mood improve. It’s worth a try, right?

So let’s experiment! This week, regardless of how you feel, resolve to choose your attitude. Here are some good ones to try out:
– be cheerful and optimistic
– be grateful for whatever you have (whether it’s a lot or a little)
– have fun, even when you are losing
– be happy for others’ wins
– stay calm in the middle of a storm
– see opportunities in the challenges you face
– be solutions oriented
– appreciate the good in the people around you

Since it’s November, I’m focusing on my attitude of gratitude; Thanksgiving is always a good time to count my many blessings. I can’t wait to hear how it goes when you try on a new attitude; please share at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching/.

Choose the good stuff!

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I recently had the pleasure of visiting Berlin and spending time with my partner’s extended family. I don’t speak German, and the older generations didn’t speak English. It was up to the younger generations to translate as best they could with their different levels of proficiency. I assisted by smiling a lot.

Inevitably, someone would ask me “what is your work?” or “what work do you enjoy?” (I love that phrasing!) These were surprisingly difficult questions to answer!

I am used to talking about my work. I have all sorts of bio’s and work with my clients to create meaningful personal intros. But this all takes place in English. My challenge was to describe my work as a coach and presenter in the simplest terms that would translate easily.

Here is where I ended up:
– I help people find work they enjoy (i.e., career coaching)
– I help people to be good leaders (i.e., executive coaching)
– I help people to work together well (i.e., presenting on all sorts of communications and leadership topics)

So, to summarize: I help people find work they enjoy, to be good leaders, and to work together well. I like it!

I’ve never described my work like that before. Because I was trying to be jargon-free and use simple, common words, I got a new perspective on my work – and an even deeper appreciation for what I do.

Imagine you are trying to tell someone from a different culture and with a different language what you do. How would you describe your work in the simplest, most uncomplicated – and easily translatable – way possible?

I’d love to hear what you come up with on https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching/. Hopefully you will be happily surprised and get a new appreciation for the work you are enjoying.

Gute arbeit und gut gemacht!

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Meet Hobbes! He is six-and-a-half months and 59 pounds of enthusiasm, curiosity, and naps. Hobbes enjoys drinking out of puddles, gutters and park water fountains – and he likes to lick the shower floor and the dew off the grass in the morning. He drinks out of his clean water bowl only as a last resort.

Which got me thinking about why I don’t always like to do things the easy way. Perhaps it simply comes down to flavor, but why do we sometimes make things harder for ourselves? I have some ideas…

I don’t like to be told what to do. I may bristle if you tell me what I should do or how I should do it. Left to my own devices, I may choose the easy way. If you tell me to do it the easy way, I may get contrary and do the thing a different, harder way.

I don’t like the easy way. The hard way “tastes better” to me. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something big – which makes me feel good about myself.

I’m self-sufficient. I don’t need other people to give me things. I can provide for myself. I admit, it’s important to me (to a fault) not to appear needy.

The easy way isn’t always easier for me. We all have strengths and preferences; maybe what others find easy is actually harder for me. For example, if you don’t like to sit still, would you rather drive stop-and-go in heavy traffic on the shortest route or choose to go the long way around (extra time and distance)?

The easy way is boring. Anybody can do it the easy way. How am I going to stand out or distinguish myself from the crowd if I do things like everyone else? How will people know I am special if I don’t do things differently?

Hobbes is probably just living in the moment. For him, it may be as simple as “I am thirsty now; there’s a gross puddle. Yum; tastes great. Five out of five stars.”

We humans are a bit more complicated! I’m betting you have some ideas, too, for why you may take the harder path sometimes when an easier way is open to you. I hope you’ll share those on the post for this blog at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

Take it easy!

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I was watching a video by organizational psychologist Adam Grant on Instagram where he said he doesn’t like the conventional advice to “play to our strengths.” He feels that keeps us stuck in our comfort zones, when we might develop new strengths. For example, he noted if he’d played to his strengths, he wouldn’t have become a diver, teacher or writer.

Fair point, however, I think he may be referring to skills, rather than strengths. What’s the difference?

Skills are things you have learned how to do and knowledge bases you have accumulated. Adam’s examples of diver, teacher and writer are all skills. A few more examples are being good at creating a PowerPoint presentation or speaking foreign languages or fixing an engine or baking the perfect soufflé. Some skills you may be barely functional at, and at some you may be a master. (Behind that mastery may be a strength lurking…for Adam it probably has to do with his curiosity, love of ideas, and desire to help people grow and improve.)

I do a lot of work with my clients to identify their “signature strengths” (i.e., a phrase coined by Martin Seligman, positive psychologist and author of the book “Authentic Happiness”). Signature strengths are what you are uniquely designed to do well. You are wired this way from birth, and develop and shape these over your lifetime. This is who you are, how you show up, and what you are going to do well time and again – often without trying. Think of these as your “special sauce.“ (And note that strengths are not industry specific.)

Here are a few recent examples of signature strengths from different clients:
– Personable and dependable colleague enjoys genuine relationships and using fun to move the work forward
– Quiet consensus builder keeps teams effective and on target
– Natural mentor is supportive and generous, putting others at ease and helping them to feel empowered

If you can’t name your signature strengths yet, that’s ok! This is a process; with my clients, we do two self-assessments and a 360 degree review where we ask other people about their strengths. External feedback from others is essential for two reasons:
1. You can’t have an accurate self image without external feedback; we naturally de-value our strengths since they come easy to us, so our self-image is often lower than it should be
2. We DO want you playing to your signature strengths 75-80% of the time at work; so we have to identify those strengths and then go about finding work that fits

Knowing the difference between strengths and skills can help you find purposeful work. You want to be able to use as many of your strengths as possible on a daily basis. Skills are handy and can set you apart, but you don’t need to have every skill for that next job, because you can always learn new skills – and should!

So DO play to your strengths AND keep learning new skills!

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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