Shut Up and Live Your Life

Posted by on February 22, 2023

Shut Up and Live Your Life

I recently had a client tell me a story about the wisest advice she ever received.

This client had a colleague who had proven themselves untrustworthy in the past. She found it difficult to work with this person and be around them, let alone rely on them to do her job.

She took this issue to her mentor and said, “I notice you work with all kinds of people; some have questionable reputations. How can you work with people you don’t trust?”

Her mentor looked at her and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

She explained herself again, telling her experienced, smart mentor that working with untrustworthy people was extremely difficult; in fact, it couldn’t be done. She went into anguished detail about how her colleague was bad and had done her wrong. She described every small transgression she had catalogued. Again, she asked her mentor how they could engage with untrustworthy people.

Her mentor fixed her with a look, saying slowly and clearly, “I. Don’t. Know. What. You. Are. Talking. About.”

Of course, her mentor understood the question. They were telling her how they handled it. They chose to overlook the untrustworthy behavior and move forward, rather than choosing to be stuck. They would not allow themselves to be drawn into the drama.

In fact, one day, when my client was particularly caught up in some negative ruminations, this wise mentor got fierce and shared some advice that turned out to be the best advice my client ever received: “Shut up and live your life.”

Consider how much energy we give to people at work that we don’t see eye to eye with. As the saying goes, “would you rather be right or happy?” Sometimes we just have to let things go and move on.

One caveat: if someone is truly undermining you at work, be respectful, but consider my favorite advice: “Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.” That is, allow yourself to move forward believing that things could work out in a positive way, but build in some double-checks (e.g., documentation, public agreement on commitments, etc).

And when you are ready to level up even more? Imagine someone asks you about that untrustworthy colleague. Instead of saying something negative, try to find something positive to say that’s true. Or at least encourage that person to have their own experience with the colleague. Then just shut up and live your life.

Pretty good advice…

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.