I sometimes hear my clients make the same complaint that I have made to my own coach – that something I believed I’d made progress with was coming up again.  Haven’t I already dealt with this?  Haven’t I put effort in, worked on this issue, and fixed it?!

Although it may feel like I’m back at square one, I actually need to picture this more like a spiral staircase.  Each time I come around to an issue, I’m seeing it from one step higher on the staircase.  I have a new and different perspective based on my previous learning.  In my experience, the issue is a bit easier to work with from this step – less difficult and less emotionally charged.

One issue I’ve worked with repeatedly is my feelings around financial security.  Having my own coaching practice has been an incredible experience, but it is also sometimes scary –  especially for someone like myself who worked for full-time employers for 20+ years.

When I first started my business I worried about my finances a lot.  Then I learned to ground myself in service.  I examined my old ideas about money and financial security and challenged them.  I adopted new beliefs around sufficiency and abundance.  I brought in gratitude every time I touched my checkbook; first I said “thank you” to the universe that I always had enough to pay my bills and later because I knew there would always be more.  As trust started to crowd out worry, I became more financially secure.

What the above paragraph demonstrates is practice.  It may not be what we typically think of as practice, but that’s exactly what it is.  We don’t simply address a big issue just once; we work with it on an ongoing basis and it changes.  These lessons are the ones we are here to learn and they stay with us, but they do get softer and more quiet as we continue to work with them.

Do I still worry?  Sometimes, but those moments come less often and don’t last very long.  There’s too much evidence of abundance in my life for me to ignore.  And my regular practice keeps the worry manageable.

What’s something that keeps coming up for you that you thought you dealt with?  What could you do differently to work with it or change your thinking?  What would you like to practice so you can make a real shift to the next step on the staircase?

Enjoy the view!

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If you listen to pop radio, you’ve probably heard “Thinking Out Loud” by Ed Sheeran.  I was listening to the song on my computer the other day on YouTube, and I started to watch the video.  Yes, that’s musician Ed Sheeran dancing in the video – and doing an impressive job of it.  (See and/or listen at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp-EO5I60KA)

So I watched the brief making-of-the-video video, and he said that learning that dance was the hardest thing he’d ever done and he never wanted to quit anything so much.  And now that he knows how to dance, it’s the most fun thing he’s ever done.  If Ed had given up, he would have never realized the joy of dancing.

A lot of what people call failure is actually just giving up too soon.  I work with clients towards their goals every day, and it’s a constant, conscious effort to ensure that they stay on track and are kind to themselves.  We are all learners at life, yet somehow we think we shouldn’t make mistakes and that we should get everything right on our first try.

But life takes practice.  We’re just human beings who deserve our own love, forgiveness, acceptance and pep talks.  Just as you’d expect a child learning to ride a bike to take a few spills, we’ll do the same as adults as we learn new things and grow into bigger, more expansive lives.

Have you been avoiding anything that’s going to take some practice – and early mistakes?  What’s so difficult that you are tempted to give up?  What’s the joy waiting on the other side of that learning and hard work?

Dance on!

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I have the wonderful gift of a monthly conference call with a small group of coaching colleagues.  These women are from across the country and around the world.  While that makes scheduling our monthly calls tricky, they are an incredible source of ideas, inspiration, and support.

This month, we planned to talk about our goals for 2015.  One of the women provided some questions for reflection in advance of our call.  Although I had set goals – and even had measurable objectives – I was surprised by two of the reflection questions.  One asked about my successes in 2014.  The other asked how I celebrated those successes.

The truth is, I hadn’t even thought about it.  I’d considered what I wanted to leave behind in 2014 and then jumped right into 2015.  And when I started writing down my accomplishments, it was interesting that my work-related successes were first and my personal successes were second.

Clearly, I needed to pause, take a breath, and literally put my priorities in order.  And then I needed to take another breath and acknowledge and appreciate the many successes and accomplishments of last year.  (I asked a friend to help me celebrate; we toasted 2014’s accomplishments in order of importance – relationships first, work second.)

Like most people, I can sometimes be quick to criticize myself for not getting everything on my to-do list done.  And, like most people, I often fail to give myself credit for what I do accomplish.

That’s where confidence comes in.  Every time we pause to consciously acknowledge our accomplishments – no matter how small – we are reminded of all that we do and all that we are capable of.

Don’t wait around for outside praise or validation from others.  Maybe you’ll get it; maybe you won’t.  It’s better just to be an adult and meet your own needs for acknowledgment and appreciation.  And then, feel free to ask a friend to help you celebrate!

What can you give yourself credit for today?  What successes and accomplishments from 2014 deserve your acknowledgement?  And how will you celebrate?

Good for you – and party on!

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Confidence is a topic that comes up a lot with my clients; research shows that women especially struggle with this.  In fact, in the workplace, often it’s not the men holding the women back – it’s the women themselves.  While women are busy behaving and trying to get everything perfectly right, men pass them by.  (For example, men will apply for a job if they feel they meet 60% of the job requirements; women prefer to meet all the requirements.)

One of the many reasons I love coaching is that it builds my clients’ confidence.  As the client explores their values and strengths, challenges old beliefs, and embraces their perfect imperfection, they begin to own who they are.  They also build awareness that guides their decisions and choices – and fuels the actions that move them toward their goals.

Need a shot of confidence right now?  Then make sure you watch Amy Cuddy so you know how to do the Wonder Woman pose before that next interview or critical meeting.

Confidence is important, it’s true, but sometimes we’re better off having a little courage instead.  You can’t always wait until you feel confident (that may never happen!) to make an important move.  You’ll never be perfectly prepared.  Identify when you are ready “enough” and go for it.  Even if things don’t go quite how you wanted them to, you’ll still gain confidence because you’ll have learned how to take a risk and how to handle a less-than-perfect result.

So if someone asked you today “who are you?,” could you easily answer?  Are you holding yourself back, waiting until you are perfectly ready or confident?  If you exercised some courage, what risk could you go ahead and take now?

Wishing you confidence and courage!

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