Recently I was walking into the library while an older gentleman was walking out. I smiled and said, “How are you today?” He replied, “I’m blessed. How are you?” As we passed each other, I responded without looking back, “I am, too, thanks.”

While the exchange was pleasant and reminded me to be grateful, there was no pausing to be really present. It was friendly, but absent-minded. I’m sorry to say, I do this a lot. Even with people that I am close to and care about deeply.

I read an article by columnist Omid Safi not long ago, and he wrote:

“In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask: in Arabic, Kayf haal-ik? or, in Persian, Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is your haal? What is this haal that you inquire about? It is the transient state of one’s heart. In reality, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know.”

What a gift to pause, look someone in the eye, and ask them, “How are you? How is your heart?” And then listen to the answer and accept it, without attempting to change a thing. (This is for you folks like me, who want to cheer people up if they are feeling bad!) What a gift to share an intentional, heartfelt moment with a loved one – or maybe even a colleague or stranger.

Also notice how you answer the question, “How are you?” How many of us answer, “Good” or “Fine” without even thinking about it? I’m afraid I’m guilty of that, too, although I’m trying to do better!

Where are opportunities for you to break your stride, slow down and ask, “How is your heart today?” Or maybe give a thoughtful answer when someone asks, “How are you?”

p.s. I’d love to hear how you are! Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

p.p.s. Quick note for young professionals in Memphis… There is one slot left in the career coaching group starting in July/August. Details are here: https://jenfrankcoaching.com/career-group-aug-2017/

 

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One of the things I discuss at my Authentic Networking workshops is the power of a thank you – especially a hand written thank you after an information interview.

When someone takes their valuable time to sit down with you so you can learn from them, a timely thank you is a must; an email that day or the next is great. If you want to take your gratitude to the next level, send a written thank you. Here’s why…

The person you met with will appreciate your email thank you, but it will be quickly forgotten. However, they will think of you again – warmly – when they receive your written thank you card. They may set that card on their desk where a colleague might inquire about it; then they get to tell their colleague that they helped you and feel good all over again. Maybe they will even tack your card on a bulletin board. The warm feelings and received gratitude will linger on, and they will be more likely to remember you and want to assist you in the future.

Here are two tips for your thank you card. The first is about the content. Be specific in your thank you. What did they say that really stuck with you or helped you? The second tip is about packaging. Consider getting some interesting thank you cards, perhaps ones designed by a local artist. Cool looking cards tend to hang around longer. (One thank you I received last year – pictured in the top left of the photo – was hand-colored; it’s still on my refrigerator.)

A hand written thank you takes a little extra effort, but the good feelings it creates for the giver and receiver are worth it! Who deserves a hand written thank you today?

Send a card! Thanks!

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I attended an event at the Memphis Botanic Gardens on Sunday, a beautiful spring day with the tulips and cherry trees in full bloom. Fitting, as the event was a discussion for a book called “A Second Blooming: Becoming the Women We Are Meant to Be.” Twenty women contributed essays to the book, and the four Memphis writers and editor were at the event to speak. All were inspiring and talked about tough transitions they’d made, but one had a reminder that I wanted to pass along.

Suzanne Henley spoke of times in her life when she struggled mentally and emotionally, which in our society isn’t accepted the same as a physical ailment and may even be seen as something shameful. During one of these periods, Suzanne said a friend sent her flowers. This simple act validated Suzanne and the difficult time she was having while adding a bright spot to her dark day. Her parting advice to the audience on Sunday was brief: “send a card.”

I have sent those cards. It takes a little effort (but not much!), and means the world to the receiver. I know, because I have been the recipient as well. Receiving a card from a friend during a difficult time is like getting a hug. It says, “I know this is tough, but you are not alone. I’m thinking of you, and I love you.” It is a simple act, but its kindness is magically magnified as that card sits on the side table or is stuck on the refrigerator door – a constant reminder of a friend’s encouragement and love.

Is someone you know struggling or in need of hearing that you care about them? Whose day could you be a bright spot in?

Please, send a card.

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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There is a crack in everything / That’s how the light gets in.
– Leonard Cohen

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.
– Ernest Hemingway

We are all broken. That’s how the light gets in.  
– misattributed to Ernest Hemingway

The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
– Rumi

These quotes are among my favorites (even the one that Hemingway never wrote). I’m a big believer that where our cracks, or wounds, are is where the light gets in. When you are wounded, you learn things. You grow as you gain new insights and awareness about yourself: what you want more of in your life, what you don’t want in your life at all, how you contribute to situations, how you can do better next time, and just how strong you are. You also see how the people around you support you, and you are reminded of their love.

These cracks and wounds are also where your light comes out. I believe that where your wound is, is where your gift is. That thing you came to give to others is something you are experiencing yourself. What’s most profound to you will be important to others – not to everybody, but essential to the right people.

Belonging is my top core value, the thing that is most important to me. I didn’t always feel like I belonged as a kid – or as an adult; I struggled with self-acceptance and not feeling accepted by others. Over time, that wound has also been a great source of joy for me. It has driven me to invest in my relationships with others; today I have deep friendships with wonderful people and more loving relationships with family. That wound has also led me to my work; as I help my clients to learn about themselves, accept themselves, and create more belonging in their own lives, my sense of belonging also increases.

Where are the cracks that allow the light to shine in for you? And how do you use that light as a gift in your life and others’?

Keep shining!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

 

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