10 Questions to Relieve Your Stress and Worry
Feeling stressed, worried or anxious? First, slow down. Take a deep breath. Be sure to exhale. Two more deep breaths – in and out. Now ask yourself a few of the questions below and see what provides a little relief for your situation.
1. What’s wrong in this present moment?
This is the question the Buddhist monks ask. It’s sort of irritating, because the answer – unless you’re in acute physical discomfort – is always “nothing.” Another great reason to be mindful and live in the present.
2. Will this matter in a week/month/year?
Sometimes the things we are most stressed out about crumble and disappear when we ask this question. It gets at the heart of whether or not we’re dealing with something that’s truly important to us.
3. What would it look like if this turned out really well?
You can run worst case scenarios all day long, but the same part of your brain responsible for that function is also designed for daydreaming. So ask this question and give best case scenarios equal playing time.
4. Is this my responsibility?
If the thing you are worrying about isn’t your responsibility, relax and pray for all involved. (As my friend’s grandmother used to say “you can worry or you can pray, but you can’t do both.”) It can be hard not to interfere, but allow other people to experience their own successes and failures; both build confidence.
5. What can I do right now from where I am with what I have?
For things that are your responsibility, ask this question and then do that thing – and reassure yourself that you’ve done what you could. Then go distract yourself with something else.
6. What’s the next loving thing I could do?
You really can’t go wrong with this question, as long as you remember that the loving thing is probably what you can do for you – and not for someone else. Remember to take care of yourself first. The better you do that, the more you will have to offer others.
7. What would a caring friend tell me to do?
If you are out-of-practice when it comes to taking care of yourself, ask this question and then follow the advice in the answer. It’s likely to be something that takes care of you. If you hear internal voices telling you why you shouldn’t take care of yourself or that it’s selfish, thank them and keep going. You are worthy of your own kindness.
8. What do I need in this moment?
It’s a huge leap forward in our awareness when we can stop in a stressful moment and identify what we need. Rest? Support? A snack? Respect? If you want to go to the next level, give that thing to yourself.
9. Ask the other person, “How can I support you best?”
When you have a loved one who’s upset, their troubles and stress can be contagious. But to all the fixers and mind-readers, before you put in a lot of effort solving other people’s problems (who may not want your help), how about asking what they would find helpful. It may be for you to just listen.
10. Who can I ask for help?
Often we assume we have to go it alone and handle everything ourselves. Think of all of the people that you help. Most of them would love to return the favor. Just ask.
What are some of the questions you like to ask yourself to help reduce stress? Please share them and your comments at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching
Keep breathing!