Watch your language! (Part 2)
In the last “Watch your language” blog, I talked about “I have to” and “I can’t.” Now let’s take a look at the S word: Should.
“Should” is a red flag when my clients (or I) say it. It really ought to read “I should do ____, BUT I DON’T WANT TO.” If you don’t want to or aren’t going to, simply own it. “I don’t want to do this right now. I will forgo the benefit it would give me in favor of the benefit I receive for not doing the thing.”
For example, I may say “I should do yoga” and then sit and read a book instead. I’ve exchanged the health benefits of yoga for the immediate pleasure and relaxation of reading. On some days, that is actually the better choice and the thing that takes care of me the most. And if I balance the reading days with the yoga days, it all works out. Some days, I may even do both.
What doesn’t work so well is when I make a lot of judgments about why I’m bad or wrong for not doing what “I should.” These are just choices. When I’m ready to make a different choice, I will. Bullying myself or giving myself a guilt trip doesn’t really work with me; it just makes me feel down – and less inspired to do the thing “I should!”
Where are you telling yourself “I should do ____,” but the truth is you don’t want to? Will you want to do it later – or at least be willing to? Do you need to come up with an entirely different action? Is the thing you are choosing to do instead of what you “should” do actually what you need right now?
Remember, you are always at choice, and each choice comes with benefits (and consequences). If you don’t like your current choices, find some new ones. Get honest with yourself about what you really want and what it takes to get it. And to get started…
Watch your language!
p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching