I’ll post new bits of inspiration here a couple times each month. Expect quotes, links to videos, musings, recipes, and who knows what!

Career Coaching Group Starts Late January in Memphis

Happy new year! I hope your holidays were terrific, that you’ve acknowledged all you accomplished in 2016, and that you are ready to make 2017 an exceptional year. If you want to be intentional about how you spend your energy and to take charge of your career, please consider whether career coaching could help you.

If you are in the Memphis area, I will be running a three month career coaching group beginning late January. The deadline to register is Tuesday, January 10. All the details can be found here: http://jenfrankcoaching.com/career-group-jan-2017/

Please contact me today at jen@jenfrankcoaching.com or 901.308.0613 with questions, to schedule a conversation or to register. Let’s make 2017 the year you find your great work!

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“I’m a mess. I got drunk last night, and…”

That’s how one of my young clients, let’s call her Lilly, started our last session. I stayed open, but anticipated that I might need to self-manage regarding what came next. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised that the sentence ended with “…I decided to apply to Teach For America.”

Lilly and I discussed why she was so nervous about this decision, since teaching was an option she’d been considering. Was it because she now felt committed to a path? Was she worried it was the wrong choice? Was she afraid she would be a bad teacher? No, mostly she was worried that she wouldn’t be accepted to the program; several of her friends had taught with Teach For America (TFA), and she didn’t want to let them down.

We considered the worst case together, and Lilly realized her friends wouldn’t suddenly abandon her or like her any less if she didn’t get accepted to TFA. She quickly found her resourcefulness, saying that she would find a different teacher training program, if needed.

Lilly was also concerned whether this was a good decision or not, since it’s a big commitment. So we looked at the work we had tough-decisionsdone over the past couple months and saw that teaching was a great fit for her values, needs, strengths, skills, passions and the type of environment she likes. For example, ideally we want to be in our strengths 75% of the time at work. Lilly’s strengths are that she sees and appreciates differences in people; she is patient with challenging people; she is highly adaptable to new environments, situations and people; she is positive and optimistic; she is quick to smile and offer praise; and she is a curious explorer who loves to learn about new places, ideas and people. Sounds like someone who will be a terrific teacher!!

By the end of our session, Lilly’s fear had become excitement. She was solid in her decision and motivated to take the next step. If this sounds easy, it was only because we had already done all the work to figure out what’s important to Lilly, how she shows up, and what she does uniquely well. We were able to use that information as an objective filter to determine that teaching was a good choice for her. (And Lilly understands she can always make a different choice later.)

Imagine you got drunk last night and made a career decision to do the thing you really wanted to do, but were afraid to. What would it be?

Here’s to your right work!

p.s. Do you have enough information to know if your next career choice is a good fit for you? If you are in the Memphis area, I am running a small career group again in 2017 beginning in late January. More information can be found here http://jenfrankcoaching.com/career-group-jan-2017/

p.p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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A grateful holiday love note

I spent the Thanksgiving holiday on the east coast, and spent one cold, windy day in New York City. While warming up in a crowded coffee shop, a woman at a nearby table asked me to watch her things while she went to pick up her coffee at the counter. I agreed. Once she was gone, the man sitting right next to her commented that, although he was closer, she had entrusted the task to me. Laughing, I said, “well, you do look a little shifty.” He and I chatted for a moment, and when the woman returned with her coffee, I assured her that the shifty guy hadn’t disturbed her things.

A half hour later as the gentleman was leaving, he stopped at my table. He said, “thank you for…” and then trailed off. “My snarky comments?,” I prompted. He said, “No, thank you for being open. People aren’t like that usually.” I told him i-love-memphisthat I lived in Memphis now, where people are like that. They make eye contact, wish you a good morning, and are likely to ask during a conversation, “how can I help you?” I’m very grateful that Memphis taught me this.

Throughout the week and on Thanksgiving, I was happy and proud to tell my friends and family that Memphis has been so welcoming to me, a transplant of nearly four years. I’ve been fortunate to make wonderful friends and build a thriving business. There is always something interesting going on in the city (usually ten things at once!) and the food and music can’t be beat.

If this doesn’t sound like the Memphis you know, I hope you’ll look a little harder. I’m very proud to call Memphis my home and be among the many people who want the very best for our incredible city.

What has your town taught you? What are you grateful to it for?

Thank you, Memphis!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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What are you grateful for today?

It’s November and Thanksgiving is around the corner, so it’s time to get your gratitude on!

This week a friend sent me the following challenge: write the 5 things you’re grateful for this morning, 5 fears you have this morning, and the 5 biggest things you’re thinking about today. The cool thing was that what I was grateful for (and made me feel good) had no overlap with my fears; so focusing on gratitude keeps me out of a feapiglet-graitutuderful place. The sad thing was that what I was grateful for had no overlap with what I was thinking about – with one exception: the leftover stew (my grandma’s recipe) that was in my fridge that I was grateful for, and I was thinking about lunch!

Gratitude remains the best practice I know for grounding ourselves in the present and shifting our attitudes. It can be a simple pause to say a silent thank you or a weekly journaling practice or a phone call to someone who deserves to hear how much you appreciate them. Or a quick text to a friend thanking them for inspiring a blog post.

Need even more thoughts on gratitude? Here are my blogs from the last two years:
http://jenfrankcoaching.com/2015/11/grateful/
http://jenfrankcoaching.com/2014/11/gratitude/

What are you most grateful for? How can you remember to keep those thoughts in your mind today?

Wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving. I’m grateful for you, today and every day.

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Getting Outside Your Comfort Zone

I often work with my clients on the importance of cultivating a love of learning, taking a few risks, and getting outside of their comfort zone – keeping their possibilities open and their lives big. Since I like to walk my talk, I recently challenged myself to try something new: hula hooping. It sounded fun and like an appropriate risk since I had a reasonable chance of being embarrassed for an hour by both a lack of coordination and cardio capability. So I looked at the schedule to find the beginners class and put it in my calendar.

The day arrived for the class and I quickly checked the website, but the class was gone! They had moved it to a time I couldn’t attend. No matter, I thought, I would still use the time to challenge myself. So I glanced at the schedule for a yoga studio I haven’t been to before, and set out for a small adventure.

I thought I was attending a gentle yoga class, and things started off nicely enough. It was a different style than I was used to, but seemed all right. And then class just got plain hard. Really hard. I gave it a big effort and adapted the poses I simply couldn’t do or hold. While I actually liked a lot of the class, I can’t tell you how many times I said to myself during it, “And this is the gentle class?!”

Afterwards, while thinking about how sore I would be the next day, I looked at the schedule more closely because I wanted to read the class dcomfort-zoneescription. And I saw that I had read the schedule wrong. I didn’t attend a gentle class, but rather an advanced class that my friend later told me was referred to as “the power hour.” Oops.

So what did this expedition outside of my comfort zone teach me? Well, lots of things! Don’t expect every experiment to go perfectly. Although it was difficult at times, it only lasted 75 minutes and I survived just fine – in fact, I did pretty well and gained some confidence. The class also showed where I have some weaknesses I should work on. (Abdominals, anyone?) I also really liked the studio and plan to return, so my most important lesson is probably to read the schedule more carefully!

What’s something new you could challenge yourself with? Try to pick something that sounds fun or interesting to you. And don’t worry about doing it well – everyone can survive an hour or two of embarrassment. And the truth is, probably no one is looking at you anyway. They are all focused on themselves (and their own aching abs).

Keep pushing on that comfort zone!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Are you really helping?

I have the great pleasure of working with many wonderful, caring clients who want to be helpful to the people around them. Often my clients’ friends, family and coworkers come to them and ask for advice. Sometimes my clients are a little too proactive though, stepping in to fix other people’s problems when their assistance hasn’t been requested.

There are downsides to this unsolicited “help.” First, the recipient may get frustrated; maybe they just wanted to vent and be listened to. Second, when we fix the problem, the other person doesn’t gain confidence like they would if they handled the issue themselves. Third, the other person will likely be more committed to a solution that they have come up with themselves, rather than one that you suggest.fb_img_1450493306875-1

So how can you help? Just being there in the moment and listening is probably the best thing you can do if the other person is really upset. Trying to come up with a solution from a negative or low energy place is hard – the person is unlikely to be able to think clearly or creatively.

But if the person does have an issue and needs a sounding board as they think through potential solutions, you can support them in accessing their own resourcefulness by asking some open-ended questions. Here are a few examples. Ideally, what outcome would you like? What has worked for you in the past? What does your intuition say? If you could only focus on one thing, what would it be?

And my favorite question of all? How can I support you?

Now that’s helpful!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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More Sharing

This summer I spent ten Fridays in Nashville delivering professional development training for fifteen summer interns at the TN Lottery. We covered a wide variety of topics from values to 100% responsibility and networking to presentation skills. It was a terrific group of undergrad and MBA students: bright, engaged, and open.

As the end of our ten meetings approached, I set a little time aside so we could discuss as a group which topics had been most meaningful and what might need to be added or dropped. And we talked about what worked well and what might be improved.

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The 2016 TN Education Lottery Summer Interns – & me!

Their feedback boiled down to three main things: they wanted more exercises, they wanted more of my personal stories, and they wanted me to curse more(!). What they were asking for was more sharing. They wanted to share more with each other, and they wanted me to share more of myself. They’d gotten glimpses of me, but wanted to know me at a deeper personal level.

I like to think I do a pretty good job being authentic, but what wonderful encouragement to be more vulnerable. Being vulnerable can be scary, but it isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. Our willingness to be vulnerable determines the level to which others can connect with us. People share with us at the level that we share with them.

I’m grateful to have shared my summer with this fantastic group of young adults. Who can you share with today? Where could you be more vulnerable?

Share away!

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Choosing Kindness

“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
― Martin Luther King, Jr.

I’ve been contemplating taking a break from the news and from Facebook; the ongoing violence and loss in our country is heartbreaking – and this last week, unbearable. The anger, sadness and divisiveness are overwhelming, and my instinct has largely been to withdraw from the conversation. Here’s what I would like to share…

Several years ago, I had the privilege of seeing the Dalai Lama speak. He said that we must love our enemies because otherwise they may never witness love or know what it looks like. We have to model the behavior we want. We have to give what we want to get – even though we may never get it.

This is one of the essential concepts in coaching: 100% responsibility. It says “I have 0% control over you; I have 100% control over how I choose respond to you.” I am always at choice, and I am always entirely responsible for my behavior. (Although sometimes I may need to take a little time before I respond, so that I have a response I will be proud of.)

FB_IMG_1456677786554I choose to respond to recent events with love and kindness. I empathize with people’s sadness and loss. I try not to judge others if my views differ from theirs; I don’t accept bigotry or hatred in any form, but I understand that people are more than just how they act out their fear. And some days, in order to show love and kindness to myself, I may need to take a break from the news. These are my choices. What are yours?

I send my loving energy and prayers to everyone, especially those who are coming together to participate in a peaceful, thoughtful conversation about how to make the positive changes our country needs to make. I am hopeful that our collective kindness will be greater than our fear.

xoxo

p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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Taking Care of Yourself (i.e., Being Selfish)

It’s time to change the negative way we use the word “selfish.” It’s a rare person who is truly selfish all of the time: one who always takes and never gives. Not even one of my clients is selfish, but many of them worry about it.

The truth is that people who are a bit selfish are happier, healthier, and have better careers. And here’s the big surprise: they also have better relationships. That’s because they are taking care of themselves and meeting their own needs instead of relying on others. Being selfish isn’t being mean or bad or neglectful of others; it’s being a mature adult.
selfish
This comes up with my clients all of the time, and I ask them to answer the following questions. “What do you need right now? Can you give it to yourself? If not, who can you ask for help?” For example, maybe I need a break; then it’s time to go for a walk or head to the movies. Parents with small children may have to take the kids along or ask someone to watch them.

What if you need a little appreciation? If you find that you are stewing about other people not acknowledging your efforts, ask if you’ve already acknowledged yourself. Additionally, acknowledging you is a skill the other person may not have. You may have to tell that person what you need. For example, “It means a lot to me when my efforts are recognized. I would really appreciate hearing how you felt about my contribution with regards to Project X.”

Identifying what you need in the moment, meeting your own “selfish” needs, and/or asking for help is a skill set. You build it over time and should expect to do it imperfectly at first. And if someone notices you taking great care of yourself and calls you selfish, be sure to thank them!

What do you need? Where can you be more selfish?

Here’s to choosing you!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

 

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But I don’t have an hour!

Several weeks ago I was conducting a workshop on values (i.e., what’s most important to you) and noted that we shouldn’t expect to fully meet all of our values at our jobs. Some of our values may need to be expressed outside the workplace.

One participant had a value of freedom, but he didn’t feel he was currently honoring that value due to his job and busy schedule. I asked where he might carve out just one hour of free time for himself during the next couple weeks. He said that wasn’t possible. I often hear this from clients, too – especially from working Moms with young children. First, we need to shift the limiting belief of “I don’t have an hour” to an empThe-time-to-relax-564x564owering question of “how can I clear an hour for myself in my calendar?”

Need a little motivation? Envision yourself with some free time. What would you do? Call a friend, get a pedicure, take a walk – or a nap? How would you feel? Hang onto that; it’s those feelings that will help motivate you.

So, how will you create that hour? Is it time to call in reinforcements and ask for help? Can you delegate? Can you give up something else or perhaps do just an adequate job on something? Maybe it’s time to hire a baby-sitter or trade baby-sitting or carpooling duties? (Perfectionist alert: you may have more limiting beliefs to deal with here, too, so you can let go of some things in order to make more space for yourself!)

The truth is, great time managers don’t have more hours in their days. They set priorities, don’t do their best work on unimportant tasks, and discard other tasks completely. This is all about choices, and you get to choose your priorities.

Where could you do less? Who can you ask for help? How will you create an hour for yourself?

Carry on!

p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching

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