I recently had a client tell me a story about the wisest advice she ever received.

This client had a colleague who had proven themselves untrustworthy in the past. She found it difficult to work with this person and be around them, let alone rely on them to do her job.

She took this issue to her mentor and said, “I notice you work with all kinds of people; some have questionable reputations. How can you work with people you don’t trust?”

Her mentor looked at her and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

She explained herself again, telling her experienced, smart mentor that working with untrustworthy people was extremely difficult; in fact, it couldn’t be done. She went into anguished detail about how her colleague was bad and had done her wrong. She described every small transgression she had catalogued. Again, she asked her mentor how they could engage with untrustworthy people.

Her mentor fixed her with a look, saying slowly and clearly, “I. Don’t. Know. What. You. Are. Talking. About.”

Of course, her mentor understood the question. They were telling her how they handled it. They chose to overlook the untrustworthy behavior and move forward, rather than choosing to be stuck. They would not allow themselves to be drawn into the drama.

In fact, one day, when my client was particularly caught up in some negative ruminations, this wise mentor got fierce and shared some advice that turned out to be the best advice my client ever received: “Shut up and live your life.”

Consider how much energy we give to people at work that we don’t see eye to eye with. As the saying goes, “would you rather be right or happy?” Sometimes we just have to let things go and move on.

One caveat: if someone is truly undermining you at work, be respectful, but consider my favorite advice: “Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.” That is, allow yourself to move forward believing that things could work out in a positive way, but build in some double-checks (e.g., documentation, public agreement on commitments, etc).

And when you are ready to level up even more? Imagine someone asks you about that untrustworthy colleague. Instead of saying something negative, try to find something positive to say that’s true. Or at least encourage that person to have their own experience with the colleague. Then just shut up and live your life.

Pretty good advice…

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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A friend told me recently that he didn’t feel “inspiring.”

I’ve heard from some of my clients this past week that they don’t feel inspired, motivated or driven right now. So if you are limping into the new year, you are in good company!

But not feeling “inspiring” is a little different. When I thought about it, I realized that I often hear from clients and friends that they don’t feel like they are accomplishing much of note. And I am almost always surprised, as I think they are doing amazingly well – even when their circumstances are difficult.

We tend to downplay our accomplishments and hold ourselves to ridiculously high standards. You weren’t feeling great, but you still got up, got dressed and showed up for work today? You are a champion! Keep it up!

And take a look at the list below, and know that if you do any of these things, you are inspiring someone – including me!

You are inspiring if you:

– show up with a smile
– offer to help
– listen when others speak
– compliment someone’s skill or strengths
– are patient and kind
– give someone an opportunity to do better
– keep your commitments
– renegotiate commitments you can’t keep
– ask for help
– exercise
– eat healthy
– take care of your mental and emotional health
– meditate or pray
– spend time in nature
– relax
– go on retreat
– spend time with friends and family
– play sports
– play music
– go to an event or concert
– read or learn something new
– teach someone else something new
– have small adventures
– have big adventures
– travel to exotic locations
– take a staycation
– post on social media
– take a break from social media
– get the high score on a video game
– take a break from video games
– have a good attitude
– try

What else needs to be on this list? What will you do next to inspire yourself and others?

Thanks for the inspiration!

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

p.p.s. An online career coaching group starts January 23 and there is room for one more! More details here: https://jenfrankcoaching.com/career-group/

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A friend recently shared this with me:

“I just did a weekend of yoga teacher training and more than once the instructors said where attention goes, energy flows. It’s easy to focus on the negative—it’s familiar and it’s protective. But it also keeps us stuck in a negative cycle. We live in a negative space and place because that’s what we have nurtured. As we begin to make the shift to focusing on gratitude, it will be difficult and may feel like we are ‘faking it.’ It’s important to do it anyway and to keep going. Eventually, it will be easier and easier still.”

She said that when she comes home each day, she says out loud how much she loves her house, her dogs and her life – even if the house is a mess or the dogs got in the trash or things aren’t going perfectly. That’s helped her to shift into a mindset of gratitude, so she can stay grateful even when times may be tough.

Her advice to get started? In addition to verbal gratitude, create a list of five to ten specific things each day that you are grateful for. If you get stuck, open the door and look outside. What are you grateful for? What is something simple that brings you joy? What is something you are looking forward to? 

Need even more posts on gratitude? Check out these blogs from the last 8 years!

• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2021/11/too-tired-for-gratitude-try-this-and-an-online-career-coaching-group-starts-dec-13/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2020/11/gratitude-and-a-broken-elbow/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2019/11/the-season-of-giving-thanks/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2018/11/an-exercise-in-gratitude/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2017/11/grateful-for-the-little-things/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2016/11/what-are-you-grateful-for-today/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2015/11/grateful/
• https://jenfrankcoaching.com/2014/11/gratitude/

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I’m grateful for you!

p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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This sweet boy got his angel wings on Sunday after a tough three weeks. Nacho touched the lives of everyone he met, making friends easily and enthusiastically.

I only knew Nacho for four of his ten years, but was privileged to be chosen by him to be a member of his pack. Not only did he bring joy and light to my life, he also taught me many lessons. Here’s some of his legacy and wisdom:

• There is a great day out there for the taking. Get up early and go get it.
• On rainy days, it’s nice to sleep in. The great day will still be there later.
• It is best to begin one’s day with a belly rub. And it is always a good time for a belly rub.
• Walks are for savoring the day. Use all your senses. Lift your face to the sun and take a deep breath.
• You can’t take too many walks, and now is always a good time for a walk.
• Greet everyone as though you haven’t seen them in ages. Your joy is contagious.
• Everyone is worth meeting, although some give better ear scratches than others. Those are our friends, and it is always exciting to see them.
• Accept all kisses. Give return kisses. Hugs are also welcome.
• Adventure awaits; get in the car. It is always a good time for a car ride.
• Where food is being prepared and eaten, stay vigilant and close. Persistence pays off.
• Be respectful of others’ food, but use your strengths (that face, those eyes!) to make your case for sharing. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
• You can’t have too many treats. It is always a good time for a treat.
• Be sure to play at least once a day to keep your skills sharp. Some people will play better than others, but at least do a short play with the amateurs to help them improve.
• Couch privileges are for the highest rank of best boys. Note: the couch is more cozy when the whole pack is present.
• Turn off the TV by 8pm and put away your phone. Go to bed early for the best dreams.
• Spend all your time close to the people you love. The pack is best together.
• All hardships and baths can be endured for short periods. Be brave and expect treats afterwards.
• When your body is tired and can’t heal, make sure your pack is there, have all your favorite treats, and lay down peacefully in the sunshine for your final goodbye. It is always a good time to be surrounded by love.

Love you always, sweet boy. Your Jen Fren misses you. xo

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p.s. As always, your comments are welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching.

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