Are you really helping?
I have the great pleasure of working with many wonderful, caring clients who want to be helpful to the people around them. Often my clients’ friends, family and coworkers come to them and ask for advice. Sometimes my clients are a little too proactive though, stepping in to fix other people’s problems when their assistance hasn’t been requested.
There are downsides to this unsolicited “help.” First, the recipient may get frustrated; maybe they just wanted to vent and be listened to. Second, when we fix the problem, the other person doesn’t gain confidence like they would if they handled the issue themselves. Third, the other person will likely be more committed to a solution that they have come up with themselves, rather than one that you suggest.
So how can you help? Just being there in the moment and listening is probably the best thing you can do if the other person is really upset. Trying to come up with a solution from a negative or low energy place is hard – the person is unlikely to be able to think clearly or creatively.
But if the person does have an issue and needs a sounding board as they think through potential solutions, you can support them in accessing their own resourcefulness by asking some open-ended questions. Here are a few examples. Ideally, what outcome would you like? What has worked for you in the past? What does your intuition say? If you could only focus on one thing, what would it be?
And my favorite question of all? How can I support you?
Now that’s helpful!
p.s. Your comments are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching