Taking Care of Yourself (i.e., Being Selfish)
It’s time to change the negative way we use the word “selfish.” It’s a rare person who is truly selfish all of the time: one who always takes and never gives. Not even one of my clients is selfish, but many of them worry about it.
The truth is that people who are a bit selfish are happier, healthier, and have better careers. And here’s the big surprise: they also have better relationships. That’s because they are taking care of themselves and meeting their own needs instead of relying on others. Being selfish isn’t being mean or bad or neglectful of others; it’s being a mature adult.
This comes up with my clients all of the time, and I ask them to answer the following questions. “What do you need right now? Can you give it to yourself? If not, who can you ask for help?” For example, maybe I need a break; then it’s time to go for a walk or head to the movies. Parents with small children may have to take the kids along or ask someone to watch them.
What if you need a little appreciation? If you find that you are stewing about other people not acknowledging your efforts, ask if you’ve already acknowledged yourself. Additionally, acknowledging you is a skill the other person may not have. You may have to tell that person what you need. For example, “It means a lot to me when my efforts are recognized. I would really appreciate hearing how you felt about my contribution with regards to Project X.”
Identifying what you need in the moment, meeting your own “selfish” needs, and/or asking for help is a skill set. You build it over time and should expect to do it imperfectly at first. And if someone notices you taking great care of yourself and calls you selfish, be sure to thank them!
What do you need? Where can you be more selfish?
Here’s to choosing you!
p.s. Your comments/likes are most welcome on this post at https://www.facebook.com/jenfrankcoaching